Bullcrap at its Finest Part Two: Don't read this one either
by RedNemi
Summary: I'm pretty sure this is dead, just saying, considering I kinda screwed up my timeline ideas and have literally no motivation to even think about it anymore.
1. Reawakening

In the center of the courtyard in the Hyrule Castle, there lies a massive wooden chest with a sword driven through the lid. It has rested there for many centuries—so long that no resident of Hyrule remembers why it is there; they simply base their children's bedtime stories on legends and rumors.

Rumor was, an evil sorcerer had come from the sky seeking an ancient golden light that granted its owner ultimate power.

Rumor was, that sorcerer had a sister who looked just like him who followed him to this realm in order to do what all sisters do best and try to keep him from doing what he wanted, but in the end had become corrupted and chose to follow him instead.

Rumor was, even after extracting most of the golden light from its original houser, the evil sorcerer was still able to be beaten by a child who wielded the very sword now embedded in the chest. Rumor was, the sorcerer and his sister vanished into the air in forms of dust.

Rumor was, the siblings would appear again to finish what they had started.

But the people of the town only used these stories to scare the kids into doing as they were told.

"If you don't clean this bedroom the evil sorcerer will return and kidnap you and make you his slave!"

"If you don't do better in school the evil sorcerer and his sister will devour your soul!"

If you don't do this, if you don't do that, the Wind Mage and his protege will come to wreak some kind of misfortune upon your life!

There was no meaning to their words, and they never once believed it would really happen.

Never once.

The Four Sword glowed with a weak light, and billions of black particles materialized and clouded around it, then dispersed and reshaped themselves into two forms lying on the ground.

_You will survive,_ the cloaked figure had said.

The fragments faded away, revealing a man and a woman. They both had greying skin mostly covered by worn out purple tunics and dark cloaks and red shorts, and their hair, sitting for so long without exposure to any kind of light whatsoever, had darkened down to a purplish color.

Vaati, the man, rose, surveying his surroundings with distaste. The courtyard was foreign and unfamiliar to him, as was the sword in the chest before him. His gaze fell upon the woman. A massive burn mark could be seen through a hole in the side of her tunic. He smiled to himself.

_Well, if she looks so much like me, then she should be of use to me._

He gathered her up and glanced around the courtyard once more. There was a faint gasp behind him, and he whirled around. A girl, looking to be about mid-teens, dressed entirely in light blue, stared at him from the entrance to the courtyard.

"Who're you?" she squeaked.

"I am Vaati," he declared, "And having escaped the horrendous imprisonment within that foul blade, I am now capable of moving about freely once more, and I have been presented with two women for my prizes. One will be my slave, the other will be my wife. Come, we shall depart immediately." He adjusted his grip on the woman and held his hand out to the girl with a toothy grin. "I shall not wait long. I wish to depart from this hideous place as soon as possible."

"You're...you're..." Her eyes widened and she took a step back. "You're Vaati, the Wind Sorcerer!"

"Yes, I've already established this," Vaati said, irritated. "Now come."

"No! I must tell Zelda that you've-"

He suddenly appeared right in front of her and knocked her in the side of the head, and she fell and sprawled out on the ground, accented nicely with a shrill squeak, covering her ear with her hand.

"Please," she said weakly. "Don't...take me..."

Vaati took her by the wrist with a faint look of disgust and phased away from that place.

* * *

**I'M BACK!**

**Baha you thought you got rid of me when I ended the last story!**

**These first few chapters will be really short, because this is the pre-Four Swords part that I don't want to spend too much time on because it's pretty repetitious.**

**MANDATORY INTRODUCTORY DISCLAIMER: I do not own ANY of the canon characters from the Legend of Zelda; I own only my original characters. Some characters that aren't canon characters and aren't my OC's will appear later; I will credit their owners as they arrive.**

**I hope you enjoy this! Please review!**


	2. So Far So Good

The Palace of Winds was empty—it had been so for centuries, since the Wind Tribe were so few in population and fewer in distinguished families, thus prone to incest and fatal birth defects. On his dying wish, the chief of the Wind Tribe cast a spell on his home, that it should remain in the clouds for the rest of time, accessibly only via teleportation or the Sky-Tall Tower, and from there via flying.

Vaati claimed this castle in the sky as his own, and with a few tonal alterations, he completely changed the place from a welcoming home to a forbidding complex riddled with traps and mysterious guardians. When he was done with it, it was dark, it was scary, it was full of monsters. But it was secluded, it was safe, and he could walk around without being noticed by someone.

He glanced briefly in the bedroom where he had lain the woman on a bed. Her face was flushed red and she trembled slightly in five-second pulses. She was ill. He scoffed in disgust. Of course, the one _he_ chose to be his slave would be unwell. Stalking over to the bed, he pulled her up to a sitting position and inspected her face. A bandage wound around her head, masking her right eye. He pulled it off, revealed black curved lines around the eye socket, which was itself completely black. She was cursed. Of course, the one _he_ chose to be his slave would be cursed. He slapped her cheek lightly with one hand, then the other cheek with his other hand, repeating this for a minute or two. She wasn't coming to. He growled softly to himself. _Someone_ had to attend to that brat of a girl he had brought with him, and _he_ certainly wasn't going to be the one to do it.

"Wake up," he hissed, and he slapped her harder, but she only trembled more violently. Frustrated, he pushed her back down and stomped out of the room. He returned a few minutes later with clothes for her, which he dumped onto a bedside table as he pulled her up again. He palmed her face with his hand and uttered an incantation, after which the shuddering stopped and he felt her begin to breathe. Her eyes opened, then shut quickly again at the sudden realization of light in the room. She covered her right eye and reopened her left, looking up at his face.

"Vaati?" she asked.

"Yeah, so?" he retorted.

"What happened?"

He chose to ignore this. "I found you some new clothes. If you're going to be my slave, it's in your best interests not to look like me." He reached over and yanked the clothes from the table and tossed them into her lap. "Put those on, then go attend to the girl in the second wing." He turned to leave, then paused and turned back. "Oh, and be nice to her. She is a um...'privileged' guest, you could say."

"What am I supposed to do with her?" she called, but he was already halfway down the hall.

The woman inspected the fabrics on her lap before changing. It was something of a black overcoat that split down the middle from the bottom to the waist and with flared sleeves, then there was a red obi that held some kind of banner to the outfit, decorated with purple and black eyes. Now...who was this girl Vaati spoke of? And since when did he have any kind of interest in _girls_ that gave them the advantage of being 'privileged'?

She stepped into the room, and a girl looked up, startled, from the bed.

"Who're you?" she asked.

"Me? I am Autumn; Vaati-sama is my master." She bowed. "I was sent to inquire as to your welbeing."

"Straighten up, please," the girl said, uncomfortable. "I'm Lightning. Do you know why—ack!" When Autumn straightened up, Lightning caught sight of the black markings. "What happened to you?" She was a little concerned. "Did he do that to you?"

"What?"

"The markings on your face."

Autumn's face was a bit disturbed, and she looked in the nearest mirror and realized that her face was no longer bandaged. Of course this girl would be able to see the black spots.

"Oh, it's nothing. He didn't do this; it happened long before he and I actually met."

"Anyway...do you know why I'm here?"

"I assume because Vaati has taken an interest in you."

"But why?"

"I don't know," Autumn said, irritated.

"But-"

"Stop asking questions. I don't know anything either—I just woke up. Just stay here and don't try to escape." She turned around and stalked from the room before Lightning could ask another question.

* * *

**GEE! I wonder who THIS character is based off of!**

**If you guessed Lightning on the Dance Floor, you're absolutely correct!**

**Speaking of which, sorry Lightning, but your character won't be as confusing as I want her to be DX just because I'm really bad at making things confusing. ): I'll try though, AFTER this chapter. Intros and everything -shudders-**

**Meh. It's going to be slow going. I think this is going to turn out longer than I expected, at least chapter-wise. This one was also pretty short.**

**In any case, don't worry, they'll both be completely back in character next chapter. They still had to wake up from being asleep for centuries XD**

**Thank you for reading! Please review!**


	3. Return of a Friend

**Hey, hey...ya dig the title change?**

**I thought it better suited the point of this part.**

* * *

_Geez, what did he DO to this place? It's HUGE!_

Autumn was hopelessly lost. How many turns were there anyway? He really should have given her a map before assuming that she could read his mind and figure out where everything was, but eventually she came to a massive throne room. The walls were decorated in large, dark tapestries that covered the sides from the ceiling to the floor and depicted wars and enemies slain, and a wide black carpet ran from the entrance to a short set of stairs, then up to a floor covered in the same material, in the center of which stood the throne, made of some white substance that looked as though it could be bones, but she doubted they were. Slumped in it, inspecting his fingernails as if he could sit there all day, with one leg tossed casually over an armrest, Vaati glanced briefly up at her, not surprised to see her at all.

"Lightning wishes to extend to you her most sincere regards," she said. "But she is also confused as to why she's here."

"Lightning?"

"The girl. You know—short, spiky brown hair, dressed in light blue? You picked her up before you came here?"

"Oh, her..."

"Yeah. What's she here for?"

"To be my wife." His voice was calm. She frowned.

"Your wife?"

"Yes."

"Isn't it...early...for that?"

"No. Having been released from my imprisoned state, I was presented with two women; one to be my slave, the other to be my wife," he said simply.

"You...you're straight?"

His face turned bright red and she grinned.

"Do not even _insinuate_ that my orientation focuses itself in that direction," he hissed. "I will _not_ have this from you."

"What? It's a legitimate question. You wear _purple_ for chrissakes, and your hair is long, and your tunic quite honestly looks like a skirt, and well...let's be serious here, you aren't the tallest of people in this form. Your features are rather feminine, if you ask me."

"Would you have me be taller? Would that settle your concerns?" He rose from the chair and glowered darkly at her. She mocked a gasp and covered her mouth slightly with her hand.

"What's this? The great and noble Vaati is taking my thoughts into consideration? Are you sick? Are you feeling alright? You must have developed some sort of illness while we were in the sword." She sneered at him, "And no, that wouldn't help your case at all."

He growled and swept a hand out, and pressure closed around her throat.

"First of all, you are my slave," he seethed. "You do _not_ talk to me in that manner. You are here to take my orders and carry them out, nothing more. You are _not _here to contribute your own input, because your input is invalid because you are a slave, and because you are a slave your opinion is void."

"That's circular reasoning."

"No. It's fact."

"No, it's circular reasoning. You're saying that because I serve you, my opinion is invalid, and since my opinion is invalid, that's why all I can ever hope to do is serve you." She coughed and strained to choke the words out.

"Additionally, you will _not_ contradict me," he added, tightening his hold. She clawed at the invisible force, tried to push it away. "Understood?"

"Yes...Master..." Her voice was weak, and when he released her she dropped to the ground and lightly rubbed her neck with a grimace.

"Now, go back to the girl...Lightning, you said her name was? Tell her that dinner will be served in a few hours."

"What am I supposed to do with her?" Autumn's voice was quiet.

"Huh?"

"What am I supposed to do with her?"

"Speak up."

"Nevermind."

"Exactly."

She glared at him, and he returned the expression.

"I _will_ teach you respect," he muttered as she picked herself up and turned to leave.

"Not if I can help it," she shot back as she disappeared around the corner.

* * *

Pffft. Respect Vaati. The notion was almost comical. While she _had_ resigned herself to the fact that she was stuck with him for the rest of her life, nowhere did she decide that she would go through this 'respectfully'. She would have fun with this, if she was going to do it at all.

She knocked sharply on the door.

"Huh?"

"Vaati-sama would like me to inform you that dinner will be served in a few hours. You are expected to partake."

"A few hours? What am I supposed to do between now and then?"

"Contemplate the heat death of the universe, I suppose."

-HA!-

Autumn's face darkened. Lightning shrieked as a dark blob rose up from the floor, and wisps of darkness dripped from his form as he crouched before her, breathing heavily.

-I have been waiting...for six hundred years...for you to get out of that BLOODY SWORD!- His fists clenched, and took a step forward, to which Autumn took a step back, maintaining the distance between them. She glanced over her shoulder and maneuvered her path to avoid running into the door.

"I'm sure there are a million other magic-heavy people who have souls just as tasty as mine, if not more," she said. A well of fear pitted itself in her stomach as she realized that this was the being that disabled her abilities to defend herself.

-Do you know how taxing it is to wait for someone to return? Do you have any idea how _starved _I am? Do you _know _what kind of devotion it takes to wait six centures for a _single _meal?-

"How can I? I was in a sword." She turned to follow the corridor. _Keep away keep away,_ she thought.

-So I'm sure you'll understand when I say that I can't _wait_ any longer. I'm not going to let you slip away from me grasp this time.- He began to step more quickly, and in fact he almost floated. He stepped in an increasing pulse, but he moved constantly, whereas Autumn had to depend on the limitations of her feet. She was practically running now.

-I'm not going to _wait_ for you, girl. You are going to come to me and release yourself.- He lunged forward and the momentum from his flying manifestation caused her to crash into the wall at the end of the hallway. Darkness shrouded around them like a mask. He pinned her against the side.

-What does it take to scare you, girl?- he asked. -I don't have the physical strength to life you into the air by myself, so I guess I'll just have to take it.- He plunged his hand into her head and her teeth clamped against her teeth to keep from screaming, and she writhed in his grasp.

"HEY! You drop her, right now!"

He stopped suddenly and looked over, as did she. There Vaati stood, weight balanced evenly, hands on his hips.

-What do you want, purple-boy?- The demon sneered.

"She's a pain, yes, but she's _mine_," Vaati hissed.

-Oh, really? Prove it.- It grinned and wisps of essence dripped from Autumn's eyes as she stared at him. -What are you gonna do to stop me?-

Vaati began to walk briskly forward.

-And as I recall, it was actually _I_ who had her first.-

"I don't care." A blinding light suddenly burst from his hands and flooded the corner. The demon shrieked in anger as his skin caught fire and quickly melted into the ground.

-YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME YOU TWIT!- His voice was a shrill scream that pierced the air long after he was gone.

* * *

**Aaaah...that was fun. Too bad Nadir had to leave before he could finish the job though...GODDAMIT VAATI!**

**I always felt like he would be really defensive of his dominion, especially considering he kinda stole it, even though that's not really consistent with the fact that he lets four kids run through it and disable all the traps and stuff and, heaven forbid, get to his room and lock him up in a sword.**

**This story is going to have _terrible_ pacing in terms of how time passes, by the way, but I'll try to keep it consistent within a given chapter, even if it won't be within the story as a whole.**

**Thank you for reading! Please review!**

**You know what I just realized? Nadir is kind of like an obsessive, abusive boyfriend...he waited six hundred years JUST so he could eat Autumn's soul and possess her body...at least he has fidelity in that case...-coughs-**

**No. There will be no Audir action going on. There will be no action going on at all. Between anyone. (lol...Audir is pronounced "Aww dear" XD)**

**(Edit: changed the time wait. Six thousand years is a long time...too long, in fact. The entire thing probably would have been completely forgotten with that much time passed.)**


	4. Send Help, Please

Autumn slumped down to the floor against the wall, breathing heavily. The wisps melted slowly back into her cheeks and disappeared.

"Who was that?" Vaati demanded.

"No one," she said tiredly.

"Who was it?"

"No one you should concern yourself with." She sighed and breathed.

"I will remind you of your place here. You are my slave, and therefore you obey me. Now, who was that, and what was he trying to do?"

"What do you care?"

"I need to know what kind of things will be pestering me as long as I keep you around."

"Why don't you just throw me out and get it over with."

"I've considered it, believe me, I have."

Vaati looked over and noticed Lightning standing in the middle of the hall.

"Inform the girl that dinner is ready," he said.

"But you said it wouldn't be ready for a few more hours!"

"I've decided I want dinner now."

"What? Why? It's only noon, barely."

"Then it's lunch. Either way, have her in the dining room in fifteen minutes."

He snapped his fingers and phased away. Autumn gazed at the girl for a few more minutes.

"You heard him, I assume?"

"I am to have dinner with him," Lightning said.

"In a few minutes."

"The dining hall is where?"

"Good question." She pulled herself from the ground and walked forward. "Let's wander for a little while and see if we find it."

When she approached, she took in the full intensity of the girl's eyes. Predominantly blue, a brown ring circled around the pupils and green flecks dotted the iris. Tricolored eyes. The girl was a born mage. Of course, the girl Vaati chose to be his wife was a born mage.

"What?"

Auutmn's stare caused discomfort in its subject, and Lightning folded her hands over each other and shifted her weight from one foot to another, casting her eyes to the side.

"Nothing."

"Is it my eyes?"

"What about them?"

"My eyes tend to confuse people."

They turned a corner.

"How so?"

"Well...It's hard to explain. Sometimes when people look at them they get distracted and they don't hear a word I say, but somehow they'll know what I said, and if it was something like a suggestion or a request, they don't say anything in response, they just go do it."

"...What?"

"People tend to do what I tell them when I look at them."

"I don't understand."

Lightning breathed out heavily with a huff.

"When I'm talking to people, and they're staring at my eyes, if I tell them to do something they don't question it, they just do it."

"So you're saying you can put people into a sort of trance just by looking at them?"

"Yeah."

"Ooh, hypnosis. You should stare into Vaati's eyes someday and see what happens. Actually no, you should do that during dinner, then tell him to tap dance and do a hula."

"What?"

"Nothing..."

Autumn snickered to herself, picturing Vaati in a grass hula skirt and lei, dancing around with coconuts on his chest.

They stepped into what looked like an atrium hall, judging by the vast emptiness of the chamber and the door that ran almost as high as the ceiling. The door suddenly burst open, and a man stood there, breathing heavily, grasping the doorhandles, almost falling over from exhaustion. He turned his head toward them, and they saw his eyes were wild and desperate. Lightning stared at him.

"Vato?"

"Lighty!" he gasped, registering her presence. "I found you!"

Autumn frowned, "How long have you been here?"

"A few days. Vaati didn't seem too keen on attending to me himself so he said something about finding his slave and left, and then you showed up." She turned her attention back to the man and ran over to him, kneeling down before him and looking into his tired eyes. "Vato, what are you doing here?"

* * *

**This is short too, but I kinda have to leave for school like NOW!**

**Haha...so sorry Lightning...You will hate me for what happens next.**

**If you're reading this, please accept my apology in advance. u.u**

**By the way, is she confusing enough? I was confused...maybe that's just me.**

**Thank you for reading! Please review!**

**Because this is so short, I might update it later, because I ended it on such a bad note...but meh.**

**Oh yeah...Intro to new OC: Vato is not mine. He's Lightning on the Dance Floor's. **


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